A Teacher, Not A Celebrity

Working at a Thai high school English teacher is a little bit like being like a celebrity, or so I imagine so since, you know, I’m not a celebrity.
I am greeted by countless smiling faces some who say ‘hello teacher!’ and others simply smile and wai, as I walk past the huge campus (have I mentioned it has over 4 thousand students?) When I am walking to my next class, students make way for me to walk on through. It’s even comical sometimes because they could all be facing away from me and one student notices that I am trying to get through and the one student starts pushing everyone out of the way. And without fail, the students smile and wai when they see me walking down the corridor. At first I thought it was my students who said hello and/or smiled and wai and I just did not recognize them. But as the semester goes on I see that it is not just my students but pretty much any student I come across. In class, when all students are finally in the classroom, one student yells out ‘stand up please’ and the entire class stands up and says ‘good morning/afternoon teacher’. This took me by surprise more than the first few times. Imagine this happening with about 50 students per class. I responded with a good morning/afternoon and they were all still standing. The first time, I thought “uhhhh how do I make them sit down?” haha of course all I had to do was ask. So after our little greeting I let them know they may be seated, and voila! They all sat down. Similar situation when class is over. The same student yells ‘stand up please’ and they all stand. They proceed by saying ‘thank you teacher, see you again next time!’ so I thank them and let them know they can leave.

Foreign teachers and a teacher from our department on the King’s Birthday celebrations 2014

During school events, such as the celebration we had for the king’s birthday and Christmas, it is a full on show. Everyone wants pictures with the foreigners. I had my first taste on the King’s Birthday. It all started quite normal, the foreign language department took a group photo (foreign and Thai teachers). But after that, everyone wanted a photo with us, and I am not talking about just students, even teachers we had never even met wanted in. We were dragged around from picture to picture until I just couldn’t smile anymore. Students sometimes also ask me for pictures right after class. I was unsure how appropriate it was to take photos with students but it seems to be normal. I’ve definitely seen Thai teachers take picture with their students and have pictures of their students on social media. So why not, I let my students get their selfies with me when they ask. So I am sure I am in a few Facebook pages or Instagram posts out there hopefully with a cool caption ☺
Feeling like a celebrity is quite flattering because of the recognition and acknowledgement. I think being said hello to around campus is nice and shows just how respectful and friendly Thai people can be (and even teenagers as you can see). I assume it is just part of being a teacher. Teachers are held in high regard and students must be very respectful. For us, however, being a foreigner adds a different level of admiration and respect. And lets not forget curiosity. Though they have had their fair share of foreign teachers throughout their lifetime, I am sure they are still curious about who we are and where we came from.

It’s not you Thailand, it’s me: Feelings of inadequacy

Just the other day I was face timing with my sister and I mentioned that I felt inadequate, I don’t remember what I was referring to but she laughed and said that that was my favourite word. Earlier this year my sister and I did a bit of traveling around Europe and I seemed to refer to myself as ‘inadequate’ in many situations. Feeling inadequate has indeed been a re-occuring theme this past year and, just like the adventures, it seems to not let go.  In my previous post I mentioned that, thus far, living in Thailand has been hard. This is an expansion on that note. This post is a combination of facts about living in Thailand in addition to personal information that has made this transition particularly difficult. Mind you, it is quite long so continue reading at your own risk!

Living in Thailand has been hard for the obvious reasons. First off, the language. I came here speaking NO Thai. Seriously, like I didn’t even know how to say ‘hello’ or ‘thank you’. The decision to move here was so sudden I didn’t prepare at all. Right off the bat, I was feeling completely inadequate for Thailand. Not understanding the language is a hinderance to pretty much everything. And the fact that in the Thai language they don’t use roman letters makes everything all that much more difficult. I can’t even pretend to know what I’m reading or try and pronounce things. That means that searching for food is an everyday struggle. There are many little shops and restaurants around my condo where, in theory, I should easily be able to get food from. However, a huge language barrier exists. Getting around? I have managed to get myself from my condo to the mall and back, which is straight on the main road. I have no idea how to go anywhere else or what I would even find if I stray from the main road. Chonburi is a huge city and quite overwhelming. I won’t compare Chonburi to London because that would be unfair, however, the overwhelming feeling is similar.

Living in Thailand has also been very difficult for a few other, more personal, reasons. As mentioned in my previous post, I had been back home in California for a total of about 4 weeks before I took the job here in Thailand. I thought I wasn’t ready to go back to California, but being here now without my friends and family and essentially starting over again has been rough. My decision to come to Thailand came from a place of longing adventure and new experiences in a new place. I wasn’t nearly as afraid to leave again as I first was when I moved to London. I’m moving to Thailand for 4 months? Piece of cake, I lived in London for 12…As I made my decision I immediately regretted it, something just didn’t feel right. I suppressed that feeling as hard as I could because there was no turning back. I had agreed to the job and my flight was booked. I tried to pump my self up for the big move. There was still a feeling of uneasiness as the day of my departure approached. One day, my dad joked at the fact that it was ironic that I was moving halfway across the world to teach English when my own mother doesn’t even speak it. This hit me hard. That had never even crossed my mind…I laughed and tried not to think about it, after all, there was no turning back. My flight was scheduled to leave Tuesday at about 1am, which meant I was due to be at the airport Monday night. Monday morning I am awoken by my sister who is on the phone with my dad who is giving her the news that mom had an accident at work. My first thought was something between ‘is she alright?’ and ‘what the hell happened?’. My second thought was, ‘am I still going to Thailand?’. Turns out my mom caught her finger in a machine and her finger pretty much got destroyed. The accident was not life threatening and she was going to be OK. She was at the hospital all day so I only got to see my mom for a couple of hours before I left for the airport. It broke my heart to have to leave her in that state. It might not seem like a big deal given that it was not a major accident. But again this fact came to mind, the irony that my mother doesn’t speak that language that I am flying half way across the world to teach. It just didn’t seem right. The whole thing felt like a joke. It was stupid for me to take this job. Once again, feelings of inadequacy overcame me the more I dwelled on the thought of being here instead of with my mom.

I took this mentality with me across the pacific and into Thailand. The first week felt like one of the longest and most miserable weeks ever. All I could think about was my mom and how stupid it was that she was sitting at home, all alone while I was here, teaching kids the language I should be teaching my own mother. To make matters worse, I was completely alone. I knew no one and didn’t speak the language. I couldn’t understand anything and everything felt wrong, everything sucked! I really psyched myself out. I even considered leaving. Screw the money I already spent on airfare, rent, etc. I just wanted to be home. BUT, I have never been a quitter and I wasn’t going to start now. After all, it was only going to be 4 months. To say that I’ve started feeling better would be an overstatement, but guess I am getting used to living in Thailand and I am mentally preparing myself for the next few months that lay ahead. All I have to do is change the way I view my time here. Yes, it was pretty ridiculous that I was here and not there. Yes it is hard to get around, communicate and even find food. But I’m here, in freaking THAILAND. It isn’t Thailand’s fault I was miserable. I was making myself miserable. Thailand is, in fact, welcoming–because it is true, it is the land of smiles! I should take advantage of this and enjoy it for what it is.  I hate to admit that the thought of leaving still crosses my mind every single day.  I’ve been here for just over a month now and I don’t feel 100%, and I probably never will, but I do work on my mentality every single day. I only have 3 months left and at the end of the term one of my best friends is coming over travel around the country with me, this means I have something to look forward to! Truthfully, 3 months seem like an eternity but I’ve made it this far and I will survive! I think its about time to stop being a hermit and be more outgoing and socialise. It’s always better when you have friends around to share good times 🙂

I hope to finally starting writing about my everyday life in Chonburi as well as my life as an English teacher. Also, if you read through this entire post, thank you! Writing keeps me sane ❤