Cars, Motorbikes, Heat and Humidity

This is a quick account on what I see and feel on my way to school: from my condo to the school in Chonburi, Thailand where I am currently teaching at.

I get up and get ready like any person would for any reason on any given day. Since I don’t have a car (because why would I buy/rent a car?),would never rent a motorbike (unless I want to die), no songthaews pass on my street and I haven’t gathered the courage to take motorbike taxis, I simply walk to school. Its not a far walk and I enjoy walking. It takes me between 20-25 minutes from the moment I walk out of my room (on the 7th floor) to the time I get to where I need to sign-in at school. Its a very doable walk and frankly, thats how I get my exercise for the day 🙂

 

What do I see on my journey to and from school? As I walk out of my condo I am normally greeted with friendly smiles and a sawadee kha (‘hello’ in Thai) from the cleaning ladies and guards. Motorbike taxis line the streets waiting for passengers. As I walk on the main road I start to see it and feel it. I see many cars stuck traffic jams while countless motorbikes weave their way around the cars where they can. On the motorbikes I see men, women and children of all ages. On some there is only one passenger, others two and three and I once saw four. That’s four people on ONE motorbike! Thai people make it work. I walk on the sidewalk (cuz where else would I walk?) but sometimes its not much of a sidewalk at all. I usually also encounter people on motorbikes on the sidewalk going against traffic–hence why they are on the sidewalk. I also come across the same couple stray dogs on my walk every morning. Some are just taking a stroll while others are taking a nap under a strip of shade. I hardly see any other fellow pedestrians. I gather if Thai people don’t have their own car or motorbike, they make use of the motorbike taxis to get around. I mean seriously, who is crazy enough to walk in this heat? Oh yeah…I am. Crossing the final road before arriving at my school feels like death every time. It is a huge intersection with cars, buses, motorbikes and any other modes of transportation you can think of going in every direction. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration given that there are traffic lights. BUT there are no traffic lights for pedestrians. That means I have to simultaneously look at every direction where cars could be possibly coming from. I think there are about 3 lanes in each direction (they aren’t really clearly marked and people just seem to drive anywhere anyhow).

Nearly every morning I have the same thought process. I walk out of my bulding and think, ‘oh its nice and fresh today,maybe today I wont get to school all sweaty and disgusting”. Unforuntely, it never fails to be only wishful thinking. As I make my journey to school I start to feel the hot Thai weather. I think its a combination of the wallking and humidity that makes it feel so–for a lack of a better word–nasty. The sun doesnt feel like its burning but somehow I still manage to get to school more than a little sweaty. At this point, however, I think Ive gotten used to it, or its gotten colder? Whatever the reason, it needs to stay like this 😛

On my way back to home from school its quite similar. I have to cross the death road and I encounter more motorbikes on the sidewalk driving towards me. As I turn the corner to get onto the street where my condo is located, I feel some relief. The day is over and I finally get to take off my school clothes and just relax in some shorts and a t-shirt and watch something while eating ice cream 🙂

 

 

It’s not you Thailand, it’s me: Feelings of inadequacy

Just the other day I was face timing with my sister and I mentioned that I felt inadequate, I don’t remember what I was referring to but she laughed and said that that was my favourite word. Earlier this year my sister and I did a bit of traveling around Europe and I seemed to refer to myself as ‘inadequate’ in many situations. Feeling inadequate has indeed been a re-occuring theme this past year and, just like the adventures, it seems to not let go.  In my previous post I mentioned that, thus far, living in Thailand has been hard. This is an expansion on that note. This post is a combination of facts about living in Thailand in addition to personal information that has made this transition particularly difficult. Mind you, it is quite long so continue reading at your own risk!

Living in Thailand has been hard for the obvious reasons. First off, the language. I came here speaking NO Thai. Seriously, like I didn’t even know how to say ‘hello’ or ‘thank you’. The decision to move here was so sudden I didn’t prepare at all. Right off the bat, I was feeling completely inadequate for Thailand. Not understanding the language is a hinderance to pretty much everything. And the fact that in the Thai language they don’t use roman letters makes everything all that much more difficult. I can’t even pretend to know what I’m reading or try and pronounce things. That means that searching for food is an everyday struggle. There are many little shops and restaurants around my condo where, in theory, I should easily be able to get food from. However, a huge language barrier exists. Getting around? I have managed to get myself from my condo to the mall and back, which is straight on the main road. I have no idea how to go anywhere else or what I would even find if I stray from the main road. Chonburi is a huge city and quite overwhelming. I won’t compare Chonburi to London because that would be unfair, however, the overwhelming feeling is similar.

Living in Thailand has also been very difficult for a few other, more personal, reasons. As mentioned in my previous post, I had been back home in California for a total of about 4 weeks before I took the job here in Thailand. I thought I wasn’t ready to go back to California, but being here now without my friends and family and essentially starting over again has been rough. My decision to come to Thailand came from a place of longing adventure and new experiences in a new place. I wasn’t nearly as afraid to leave again as I first was when I moved to London. I’m moving to Thailand for 4 months? Piece of cake, I lived in London for 12…As I made my decision I immediately regretted it, something just didn’t feel right. I suppressed that feeling as hard as I could because there was no turning back. I had agreed to the job and my flight was booked. I tried to pump my self up for the big move. There was still a feeling of uneasiness as the day of my departure approached. One day, my dad joked at the fact that it was ironic that I was moving halfway across the world to teach English when my own mother doesn’t even speak it. This hit me hard. That had never even crossed my mind…I laughed and tried not to think about it, after all, there was no turning back. My flight was scheduled to leave Tuesday at about 1am, which meant I was due to be at the airport Monday night. Monday morning I am awoken by my sister who is on the phone with my dad who is giving her the news that mom had an accident at work. My first thought was something between ‘is she alright?’ and ‘what the hell happened?’. My second thought was, ‘am I still going to Thailand?’. Turns out my mom caught her finger in a machine and her finger pretty much got destroyed. The accident was not life threatening and she was going to be OK. She was at the hospital all day so I only got to see my mom for a couple of hours before I left for the airport. It broke my heart to have to leave her in that state. It might not seem like a big deal given that it was not a major accident. But again this fact came to mind, the irony that my mother doesn’t speak that language that I am flying half way across the world to teach. It just didn’t seem right. The whole thing felt like a joke. It was stupid for me to take this job. Once again, feelings of inadequacy overcame me the more I dwelled on the thought of being here instead of with my mom.

I took this mentality with me across the pacific and into Thailand. The first week felt like one of the longest and most miserable weeks ever. All I could think about was my mom and how stupid it was that she was sitting at home, all alone while I was here, teaching kids the language I should be teaching my own mother. To make matters worse, I was completely alone. I knew no one and didn’t speak the language. I couldn’t understand anything and everything felt wrong, everything sucked! I really psyched myself out. I even considered leaving. Screw the money I already spent on airfare, rent, etc. I just wanted to be home. BUT, I have never been a quitter and I wasn’t going to start now. After all, it was only going to be 4 months. To say that I’ve started feeling better would be an overstatement, but guess I am getting used to living in Thailand and I am mentally preparing myself for the next few months that lay ahead. All I have to do is change the way I view my time here. Yes, it was pretty ridiculous that I was here and not there. Yes it is hard to get around, communicate and even find food. But I’m here, in freaking THAILAND. It isn’t Thailand’s fault I was miserable. I was making myself miserable. Thailand is, in fact, welcoming–because it is true, it is the land of smiles! I should take advantage of this and enjoy it for what it is.  I hate to admit that the thought of leaving still crosses my mind every single day.  I’ve been here for just over a month now and I don’t feel 100%, and I probably never will, but I do work on my mentality every single day. I only have 3 months left and at the end of the term one of my best friends is coming over travel around the country with me, this means I have something to look forward to! Truthfully, 3 months seem like an eternity but I’ve made it this far and I will survive! I think its about time to stop being a hermit and be more outgoing and socialise. It’s always better when you have friends around to share good times 🙂

I hope to finally starting writing about my everyday life in Chonburi as well as my life as an English teacher. Also, if you read through this entire post, thank you! Writing keeps me sane ❤